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A Broke Boyfriend and Passion for Your Pleasure
Friday Aug 31, 2007.
By Anna Pulley
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Hey Anna,
Sincerely,
A: Money is the most common thing people fight about in long-term relationships—more so than fights about sex, in-laws or trying to make one's partner stop pronouncing Target "Tar-jay." However, if your boyfriend isn't paying his bills or rent on time despite having a good job, he's probably spending it on something he shouldn't be, like booze, drugs, unreleased imports of David Hasselhoff's "Flying on the Wings of Tenderness," etc. An important factor to consider when looking at money issues within a relationship is that they're rarely actually about money, but about other, weightier issues like power, co-dependence, security, habit and Baywatch celebrity fetishes.
Unfortunately, money remains pretty taboo for couples to talk about, so props to you for confronting your boyfriend in the first place. I certainly wouldn't want to discuss how much of my earnings are spent on vibrators and Us Weekly. But then, celebrity gossip doesn't interfere with my ability to pay my bills on time either. It's a good sign that your b.f. has admitted his problems, and that he’s making strides to hop back on the financial wagon, or "dough-ped" as I like to call it. Also, is this a recent phenomenon or something that's been happening for a while? If his behaviors are long-recurring, you might want to think twice about opening a joint bank account. But, clashes over cash aren't insurmountable; with a little communication, openness and planning (which you've already started to do), I'm sure you'll do just fine.
Hi Maven, I've been dating this great guy for about a month. He's really attentive in bed and cares about my pleasure and orgasms. The problem is that he cares TOO much. He gets really frustrated when I don't orgasm during intercourse, and I'm starting to feel pressured to come, which is just making it that much harder to do so. What should I tell him to make him back off a little?
Sincerely,
A: This is a familiar story, Dilemm-Oh, and not just because you're my mother (just kidding, I hope...) The blessed state known as Orgasm has been so amped up in our culture lately, and by "culture" I mean Jane magazine, that suddenly everyone wants to know: Am I having the right kind of orgasms? Am I having enough? How can I get more-gasms without getting sore-gasms?
According to a recent BBC study, one out of three women interviewed said they never or seldom achieve orgasm during sex. And 52-percent admitted to faking them regularly. Still others, like this girl I once knew, could orgasm just by discussing philosophy. The moral of the story is that you should read more Plato and it will most likely take care of your problem-oh. Really, though, orgasms are fickle; you should just tell your boy to back off. Tell him that while you appreciate his concern for your pleasure, pressuring you to come makes about as much sense as when Lindsay Lohan claimed the coke-filled pants she was wearing the night of her (latest) arrest weren't hers. Be sure to also reiterate what he's doing right, and that when you do orgasm, it's an added bonus, like back-to-back episodes of Supernanny but not the end-all-be-all of your sexual experiences. Extra points if you can say it with a British accent because, let's be honest, things just sound hotter that way. "Eets not you baybee, eets may."
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