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She's Used to a "Certain Lifestyle"

Will she dump me in the future if I don't make enough money?
Wednesday Jun 14, 2006.     By econfidant
Centerstage Chicago Nightlife City Guide Arts

I met a great girl online and we've been on several dates. The topic of money came up and she said she was used to "a certain lifestyle." Is she just looking for someone to support her? Will she dump me in the future if I don't make enough money?

It's great that you've found someone you like enough to go out with several times. I think your question is really about how to interpret this girl's statement. When she tells you that she's looking for "a certain kind of lifestyle," is she suggesting that she wants a man who can provide that lifestyle for her—or for a man who can enjoy that lifestyle with her?

I encourage you to put her statement into the larger context of who this girl is and what she envisions in her future. The only way to get some clarity about this is to ask her. If you had been dating longer, I would suggest an honest conversation about financial compatibility, but since you've seen her only a few times the key is to broach the topic in a way that doesn't sound like you are accusing her of being a gold digger—because if this girl is as great as you say, you don't want to risk offending her.

Ask her where she sees herself in 5 or 10 years. Her answer will give you a clue if she is more committed to "a certain lifestyle" than she is to a relationship. She may tell you that she sees herself shopping and spa-hopping while the nanny drives the kids to private school in the Range Rover. "That sounds great!" you can say, "How are you going to manage that?" Maybe she has a trust fund, maybe she made some fantastic investments, or maybe she's dating with dollar sign goggles.

It's also possible that her "certain lifestyle" isn't as extravagant as you have pictured, that she is both willing and able to foot the bill for the lifestyle she wants, or forego that lifestyle entirely to be with someone she cares about. If her answer doesn't gel with your vision of the future, let her look elsewhere for her "lifestyle"—but don't kick her to the curb until you know more about where she's coming from.

Good luck,

Have a question about your one-true-love or latest fling that you just can't share with your friends? Rachel Begelman and Sarna Lee founded to give you the smart, one-on-one advice you need. You can ask that single pressing question or sign up to ask unlimited questions. Read more about econfidant.

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