For those that need a little rhyme with their reason to make it to the fest, we have the nice bass lines for you. Hip-hop elitists who suffer from total loss of muscular control the second the stage's subs go and pressurize should ditch the low-rider with the ill system for a day and come and join your beat brethren.
Your pre-party = Seadog
Kick off the Lolla weekend in true beat junkie fashion on a 40 mph, 15-foot wave creating speedboat. And put the worries to rest: You'll have plenty of time to grab some breakfast and an early morning mimosa. The adrenaline-fueled lake and skyline tour with piped-in, beat friendly tunes only takes 30 minutes, leaving plenty of time before the DJ festivities begin.
Your field guide
For the body shakers: Mindfield. Remember that word. Come 8 p.m. each evening, the Mindfield stage assaults booties with "The Mindfield Electronic Ambush" with fine DJs like VHS or Beta, Mixin Marc and DJ Rashida. Slim MC pickings on Friday, so check out Lady Sovereign and Omega Watts. Saturday's got your verses—Gnarls Barkley, Common, Kanye West—staggered by some choice acts on the Playstation stage. Matishyahu's one of your only bets on Sunday.
Your after-party = Smartbar
Illest beats you can find in Chicago. Right below the Metro, Smartbar caters to underground hip-hop MCs, DJs and other hotshots just on the verge of being a bleep on the radar. The acoustics rival the Metro's and records get spun way into 5 a.m. You'll probably get hit with a $10 cover charge, though.
Does this sound nothing like you? Check out our other Palooza Profiles:
Crazy Zen Dancer
Neo-Hipster
Sun Soaker
Yupster