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| In the wake of accusations of releasing allegedly toxic, audio mind-matter, Gwen Mitchell testified Monday that she is inextricably linked to the events. Candid in her confession, she admits, “They caught me holding the guitar.” Investigation reports confirm her complicity in spreading this toxic material in locations all across the Midwest. Health officials warn that the contamination may not be limited to cities from Wisconsin to Ohio and may be continuing to spread. “We have identified some of the components of the material as being instrumental,” but investigators are especially concerned with the lyrics that ask people to seek self-knowledge, responsibility, and worse yet take themselves less seriously. “I believe this substance is attacking my comfort levels.” Says one hospitalized victim who asks that her name be withheld. Police lab reports confirm that the danger of this enigmatic substance is that it is constantly mutating. “With more people joining forces with Gwen, there’s no telling how many changes [the substance] will undergo,” offered one affected audience member. Chief of Police McGillicutty: “We’ve seen the initial attack as stunning people…they report a sense of being caught off guard by the experience.” McGillicutty further warns, “I suspect the criminal and her cohorts have something new up their sleeves….” Suspected accomplices include musician and percussion iconoclast Charlie Duda as well as the Bonnie and Clyde of the visual art world, Musick and Giemzik. The President has flown to the site of the first attack to asses the damage and having declared a state of emergency, has asked the Red Cross to step in and prepare the Midwest towns for the next attack. They have created sandbag stations to contain those caught listening or simply to heave onto the chests of those struck with uncontrollable laughter. The Midwest should not be alarmed if they find themselves smiling or rediscovering their frontal lobe. Critics fear this could quite possibly be the next revolution. For more information, visit their website: http://www.gwenmitchell.net
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